So often, we are trained to look upon others and admire them for their accomplishments. Whether it be in sports, business, the political arena, in music or entertainment, we as a society have determined that someone who has accomplished something that we admire, should be followed, should be emulated. It is understandable that we would appreciate and honor the accomplishments of another individual. Most times, they have made tremendous efforts to attain a certain title or stature. In that appreciation, in that honoring, we immerse ourselves in the divine experience of respect.
However, that appreciation, admiration and honor is often offset by a poisonous condition, comparison. It is highly likely that along with recognizing the accomplishments of others, we simultaneously reflect on ourselves and our own accomplishments and find them lacking. Whether it be financial, artistically, politically, whatever, in the realm of comparison we tend to deem others' accomplishments as a victory and our lack of them as a failure.
Yet, the reality is that a comparison to another's achievement is a not a fair condition. In most instances, we don't perceive their accomplishments as something that, in general conditions, could be attained by us as well. In the comparison game, it is usual for us to focus on what we haven't done, how we don't rate, what we lack, rather than, if we were willing to commit to it, we could accomplish it as well.
I was recently having a conversation with a friend about my husband's skill set. He is a medical doctor with tremendous, intuitive skill in healthcare and an impressive knowledge of medicines, their benefits and their contraindications. While raving about his abilities I jokingly said "I can't even tell you the benefits of aspirin. I could never do what he does."
As I said it, I could feel a contraction of awareness within me and it immediately got my attention. I recognized that I had gone from admiration and honor of him to comparison and diminishing of myself for not having his skill set. And I had couched it in humor to "mask" the sting. Seeing that I turned to my friend and apologized, who looked at me like I had 2 heads. She asked, "Why are you apologizing?"
"You know that my commitment is to always give support and honor people for their accomplishments and I cannot do that if I am disparaging myself. If I am referring to myself as anything less than, all I am giving my husband is a half-assed compliment, stingy, empty words devoid of true acknowledgement. And if I cannot give him, or anyone else for that matter, true acknowledgement, I most certainly cannot give it to myself." She looked at me, stunned.
"I never acknowledge myself. I always wait for someone else to tell me how great I've done something" She added quietly.
"Can I ask you a question?" She nodded. "Do you believe it when someone else tells you how great you've done something? Or are you left with lingering doubt?" She didn't answer as she contemplated my question. I could see that it disturbed her that when someone acknowledged her achievements, she didn't necessarily believe them. Because she didn't believe in herself.
We don't have to be skilled or victorious in an arena that doesn't call to us. I have never been called to study or achieve success in healthcare. It didn't speak to me. Yet other skill sets, other domains, beckoned to me and, by my investing time and energy to expand my knowledge in those fields, I accomplished quite a lot. There is no need to compare because I achieved success in that which interested me, in that in which I was willing to invest myself. And I don't need anyone else to give me that acknowledgement. I know it in my heart and that is enough.
This is the foundation of true recognition. When we, ourselves, are willing to acknowledge and celebrate our own accomplishments, we can look upon others' attainments without envy or comparison. We can celebrate their victory while celebrating our own, we anchor ourselves to what we are capable of and thus view the world, and everyone else, from there. We relate to ourselves and others, as powerful, capable, admirable. You can only give to others what we give ourselves. And thus, we receive it before we even give it.
Want to discover how you view your own accomplishments? Join us on September 14th in our flagship course, There's Only You - An Exploration. For more information click here.
コメント